How to Remember Names

Here is a mnemonic - a memory technique - to help you remember names.

You need to pay attention to the sound of the name as the person is being introduced. Then interest yourself in the person and have the intention to remember. Find ways to repeat the name to yourself while you visualize how you’ll link something in that person’s face to his or her name. Then check that the link you’ve created will remind you of the name.

It’s usually more effective to work to learn both the first and last name of each person you’re meeting. Both names together are more unique than just a first name. There are many people called Jack in the world, but not so many called Jack Pease.

The mnemonic is HELLO:

H - Hear
Make sure you’ve heard the name clearly enough to repeat it correctly.

E - Explore
Repeat the name back to the person and ask whether you’re saying it correctly. Ask how it is spelled, where it is from, and so forth. Repeat the name silently and out loud as often as you can while you...

L - Look
Look carefully at the face for any feature to which you can mentally attach the name. Sometimes just visualizing the name written on the person’s forehead will work.

L - Link
Link a feature of the face to the sound of the name by creating a ridiculous mental picture. Use action, colour, humour, or 'sounds like'. (Keep your mental image to yourself; they might not appreciate it.)

O - Organize
Make sure your mental picture or link triggers the name in your mind when you look at their face. As soon as you get the opportunity, write down the name of the person you met and add a few notes so you will be able to recall the person's face later.

You will find that if you use the HELLO technique consistently when you’re meeting someone for the first time, your name remembering skill will improve. You will not always be able to think of a visual image that reminds you of the name, but just by focussing your attention on the person’s face and thinking about the sound of the name, you will improve your ability to remember.

Here are some examples of visual images linking someone’s face and name:

• Patricia Williams: Patricia sounds like patches, so I have patches on her face and she is writing her will using a yam.
• Michael Taylor: I use a white glove (Michael Jackson) on the top of his head, which also has an old-fashioned, cross-legged tailor sitting there sewing the glove.
• Zelia Chouinard: I imagine a big Z over her face and her hair is quite bushy and flat on top. Chouinard sounds like shoe-in-yard, so I stick a shoe in the yard of her hair.

Because so many people have difficulty remembering names, your effort will be much appreciated and the people you meet will tend to think you’re caring and intelligent. You will also be improving your ability to use your memory more effectively.

Mistakes were Made (but not by me)

This is the title of an excellent book by Carol Travis and Elliot Aronson which I highly recommend you read. But until you get the time to do that, here are some ways to get the most value out of your mistakes and those of the people you work and live with.

DO understand that recovering a memory is not at all like retrieving a file or replaying a tape. It is more like watching a few unconnected frames of a film and then figuring out what the rest of the scene must have been like.

DO recognize that we have to struggle with the automatic belief that I’m right, so you’re wrong; I’m reasonable, you’re not, I/we are right, reasonable, sensible, logical, tolerant, well informed, objective, and you/they are not.

DO admit to yourself that just as you have a perfectly good, sensible reason for thinking and behaving the way you do, every other person you deal with has just as good, but probably different way of thinking and doing what they are doing. It makes perfect sense to them.

DO comprehend that we have an in-built, self-justification system. Our need to justify our own beliefs and actions is so strong that we can knowingly lie to ourselves, but if we repeat the lie often enough, we will finish up believing our own lies.

DO take the time to think about the most harmful consequences of self-justification: how it exacerbates prejudice and corruption, distorts memory, turns professional confidence into arrogance, creates and perpetuates injustice, warps love, and generates feuds and rifts.

DON'T be fearful of making mistakes or at least of other people finding out that we made mistakes.  We all agree that we have learned most from our mistakes. Our experience also shows us that if we want to learn something, the fastest and most thorough way is to obtain some basic guidelines, and then start doing it. Treat mistakes as a learning opportunity, analyze to discover what needs to change, make the change and keep going.

DON'T just hurry to fix mistakes. Take the time to de-brief together about what happened: how did we each contribute to what happened and what can we do differently to reduce the chances of that happening again?

DON'T try to find someone to blame for a mistake. That leads to resistance and resentment and discourages better solutions. Take an appreciative inquiry approach: what worked well and how can we make it work better?

DO value the many different points of view that you have around the table. Understand that because of our culture, we are all uncomfortable having our weaknesses or mistakes pointed out, but we need to do that with and for each other. As we do it, we will become less uncomfortable giving and receiving critical feedback and we will become much stronger as a team.

I’m Right, You’re Wrong

“I’m right - you’re wrong!”

Although we would rarely, if ever, make that bold statement out loud, we often act as if we believe that our interpretation of a situation is the “correct” or only possible interpretation. This thinking pattern can lead to misunderstanding, frustration, conflict, and stress.

The important thing to understand is that the more firmly you believe that your interpretation of a situation is the “right” one, the more likely it is that you are going to be in conflict with other people.

The cost of misunderstanding is enormous.
It annoys our customers, it upsets our colleagues, it disappoints our bosses, and it can enrage our family members. But the good news is that there is a lot we can do about it, as long as we appreciate that learning to avoid damaging conflicts starts with understanding ourselves and our thought process.

Each of us interprets events through the filter of our previous life experiences.
As The Talmud says, “We don’t see the world as it is; we see it as we are.” When we encounter somebody who sees the world differently, rather than thinking, “Oh, that’s interesting, tell me more about how you see it,” we are more likely to advocate for our own interpretation. Instead of listening to understand, we listen to defend or to advocate. So the other person starts to do the same thing. Once we are at loggerheads and getting nowhere, we may damage the relationship and miss the opportunity to learn and grow.

Try to be less judgmental with other people.
Listen to what they have to say, be present, be mindful, and be prepared to understand something from the other person’s point of view. This does not mean you need to agree with the different point of view, just appreciate that it is different and take time to explore it. Demonstrate to the other person that you are really trying to understand their side first. Summarize back to them what you have understood and ask if you have “got it”. Then you will find that the other person is much more prepared to listen to you.

Once we can listen without judging what is right or wrong, we can begin to work on discovering creative possibilities within the reality that we do share - instead of frittering away energy and good will trying to make other people’s reality match our own. That’s never going to happen.