Strengthen your Willpower

The best way to reduce stress in your life is to stop screwing up. That's the conclusion of Roy F Baumeister and John Tierney in their book Willpower - Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. They found willpower gives people the strength to persevere and to make good decisions - but willpower is easily depleted.

Things that deplete our willpower include difficult decisions, lots of decisions, lack of sleep, lack of food, disorganization, trying to change a habit, making other major changes, starting to exercise, chronic pain, and dieting. Once our willpower is depleted, we tend to make more mistakes, to find decisions harder to make, to be more irritable, and to eat, drink, and spend too much.

You can strengthen your willpower by making sure you are getting enough sleep, eating regularly - especially at breakfast time - and recognizing your supply of willpower is limited. To strengthen your willpower, you want to develop effective habits. Your brain loves routines and habits, but it hates changing them. So just developing new habits will deplete your willpower. But your strengthened willpower will pay off in the future.

To strengthen your willpower:

• DO have one clear annual goal.
• DO convert your annual goal into monthly goals.
• DO identify your top three To Do’s for each week.
• DO your top three To Do’s first.
• DO have a To Don’t list, which outlaws phrases like:
• “I’m too busy.”
• “I’m too tired.”
• “I deserve a cookie.”
• “I’ll do that later.”
• DO recognize that whatever your conscious mind says to your subconscious, your subconscious believes every word. Instead of saying “it’s too hard”, say “it’s hard, but it’s not too hard”. Instead of saying “I should/I must”, say “I would prefer to”.
• DO set up to avoid crises. For example, hitting the snooze button too often, procrastinating, and believing that last minute rushes work as well as a systematic planned approach.
• DO review your progress regularly and reward yourself for good progress.
• DO remind yourself that like any development, strengthening your willpower takes time and effort.
• DO resist poor decision making, by writing out your rationale for the decision.

To strengthen your willpower:

• DON’T work on important decisions when you are tired, hungry or angry.
• DON’T forget Murphy’s Laws when you’re planning.
• 1. Nothing is as simple as it seems.
• 2. Everything takes longer than you think.
• 3. If anything can go wrong, it will.
• DON’T set unrealistic deadlines.
• DON’T procrastinate on fun, allow specific time for it.

Use these do’s and don’ts to strengthen your willpower. You will decrease your stress and increase your enjoyment of life. Your enriched willpower will do more than just help you get through crises; it will help you avoid them.

In the Conclusion chapter of Baumeister and Tierney’s book, they say:

“Everyone appreciates the benefits of self-control - someday. But when, if ever, is that day ever going to arrive? If willpower is finite and temptations keep proliferating, how can there be a lasting revival of this virtue? 

We don’t minimize the obstacles, but we’re still bullish on the future of self-control, at both the personal and social level. Yes, temptations are getting more sophisticated, but so are the tools for resisting them. The benefits of willpower are appreciated more clearly than ever. You could sum up a large new body of research literature with the simple rule: The best way to reduce stress in your life is to stop screwing up.”

Perfectionism is Unhealthy and a Waste of Time

According to Dr. Gordon Flett of York University who has specialized in studying perfectionism and anxiety, “Perfectionism is the need to be, or to appear to be, perfect.” He has identified three types:

1. self-oriented: those who expect perfection of themselves
2. other-oriented: those who demand perfection from others
3. socially-prescribed: those who think others expect perfection of themselves

People who are perfectionistic have unrealistically high expectations for performance, but take little joy in their accomplishments because their results are never quite good enough. This means that sometimes they avoid taking on a certain challenge because they fear that they can’t do it perfectly. Unlike high achievers who enjoy the “flow” of marshaling their strongest skills, stretching towards a challenge, and doing the best they can with the time and energy they have, perfectionists focus only on the result and find the hard work and long hours exhausting and the result imperfect.

Perfectionists live with an “internal bully” who is horrified by mistakes and is constantly threatening failure. This harsh internal voice often causes the perfectionist high anxiety, frequent frustration, guilt, and even panic. The person is often seen as a high achiever by others, but also as a person who is uncomfortable to be around because they seem so perfect.

If the perfectionist demands perfection from others, he or she is very difficult to work for or to have as a parent or spouse.

Martin Anthony's TEDx talk

Dr. Martin M. Antony is Director of the Anxiety Research and Treatment Lab at Ryerson University and Immediate Past-President of the Canadian Psychological Association. Dr. Antony is also currently a professor and Graduate Program Director at Ryerson University. He has recently co-authored a book called When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough. In 2010, he gave a very interesting TEDx talk with the same title.

High achievers set high standards for themselves and work energetically to achieve them, but their whole sense of self-worth is not dragged down if they don’t meet those standards perfectly.

If you suspect that you may be a perfectionist, ask yourself the following questions designed by Dr. Gordon Flett:

TEN TOP SIGNS YOUR A PERFECTIONIST

1. you can't stop thinking about a mistake you made
2. you are intensely competitive and can't stand doing worse than others
3. you either want to do something "just right" or not at all
4. you demand perfection from other people
5. you won't ask for help if asking can be perceived as a flaw or weakness
6. you will persist at a task long after other people have quit
7. you are a fault-finder who must correct other people when they are wrong
8. you are highly aware of other people's demands and expectations
9. you are very self-conscious about making mistakes in front of other people
10. you noticed the error in the title of this list

If you do think you may be a perfectionist, ask yourself what it may be costing you. People who are perfectionistic often have high anxiety, procrastinate frequently, don’t delegate as they should, spend more time planning than doing, avoid something if they fear they cannot do it perfectly, and may have difficulties in relating to peers, direct reports, and spouses.

If the price is too high, you can work towards changing the thoughts and behaviours which cost you too much time and energy. Start by watching Dr. Antony Martin’s TEDx talk, then read his book When Perfect Isn't Good Enough. Also, you will probably find Dr. David Burns, MD, book Feeling Good - very helpful.